By Leah Namdar
Shlucha in Sweden and Director of camp https://www.tzeireihashluchim.com/
There’s a very important conversation on COLlive.com and I would like to thank the authors of the articles – the mother who wrote “Before You Single Out That Child…” and the response from the former staff member titled “Put Yourself in the Head Counselor’s Shoes.”
My perspective is drawn from both pairs of shoes:
First, from the shoes of a mother. My children have traveled to overseas summer camps and I know how a part of your heart goes to camp and stays there all the time. I know how a parent hopes and davens that their precious child will be happy, make good friends, learn and daven, and come home inspired and recharged.
Second, from the shoes of a camp director. Together with my husband, we have been running the Tzeirei Hashluchim overnight camps in Sweden. We have been blessed to work with some of the most incredible young people in Lubavitch. These staff members dedicate their summers – both days and nights and the months that lead up to it – to giving kids the time of their lives.
Speaking from both perspectives, I can safely say that a child’s experience and a staff member’s responsibility aren’t an ‘either-or’ matter as may have been understood from both articles. Caring and kindness for every single child and utmost respect towards staff members are no contradiction. We can and must have both. How is this possible?
As chassidim, we don’t have to live with question marks. We can learn literally everything from the Rebbe. The Rebbe truly taught us by example what Lubavitcher chinuch is. Here’s an example:
During Tishrei in the late 5740s, there was a rally for kids in the main shul downstairs in 770 Eastern Parkway. I was a madricha (counselor) along with others. We didn’t have any specific instructions, but we were excited to have the zchus to be downstairs as madrichos for a rally. The kids said pesukim, and then the Rebbe began speaking.
It was usually very quiet at the rallies, considering the huge number of children of all ages, with madrichim and madrichos responsible for groups of children. On that day, somehow, there was some noise while the Rebbe was saying the sicha and it was clearly disturbing.
The Rebbe did not rebuke the kids or even hush them. Instead, the Rebbe turned to the madrichim to make sure it would be quiet. That was a moment when the madrichim understood their role – ‘ah, that’s what we are supposed to be doing!’ And the kids were quiet.
At the end of the rally, the madrichim went up to the Rebbe to receive packages of dimes to distribute to the children. I remember as the line began for the madrichos, there was a moment of hesitation. With this new awareness of our responsibility, “being taken to task,” there was additional awe and no one wanted to go first.
A gap in the line suddenly appeared. Not wanting to keep the Rebbe waiting, I suddenly found myself standing in front of the Rebbe, hand outstretched, and will never forget the beautiful and radiant smile. We left the rally shining with joy and full of awe. The madrichim just became more aware of their job description. We felt more responsibility. The Rebbe empowered us, trusted us. We could do it!
The kids themselves felt like a million dollars. They called out Pesukim and thousands repeated their words. What a message for a child, to have that kind of impact! They sang with all their hearts, encouraged by the great conductor of souls, the Rebbe. The Rebbe had spoken to them, inspired them, uplifted them. Watched them with love and care as he spoke and as they sang.
And that’s what camp is for. To inspire, uplift and rejoice. To transform. This is what Lubavitcher chinuch is about: Inspiring, positive, Ahavas Yisroel. And yes, Seder, decorum and respect. Kids are not to be “controlled.” They are to be inspired.
The campers are kids, not malachim. The Rebbe describes in (another) sicha that because children are constantly growing, they have extra energy – to the point that it can tire their parents, teachers and counselors. It’s part of life and health. They are supposed to be energetic.
When a Head Counselor stands in front of 200+ children, he or she should not be thinking that it’s a single person’s task to keep the room quiet. Not at all. It’s not 1 vs. 200. There are counselors and learning teachers there for that purpose. The Rebbe showed during that farbrengen that it must be teamwork.
When the Rebbe spoke to the kids, there were responsible staff members in the room to make sure everyone was settled and attentive at just the right moments. Any time speeches or announcements need to be made, the counselors should be aware of their job description. To be there with their bunks, making sure that the kids are taken care of. And then, and only then, should the Head Counselor give the speech, which should be warm, welcoming, fun and inspiring.
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You may ask, what about the kid that does make a ruckus while the Head Counselor is speaking? He may be talking, jumping around or c”v even fighting with another child. What happens then?
Permit me to share another experience with the Rebbe:
During another Tishrei at 770, thousands were standing together in their places, awaiting the Rebbe’s arrival for a farbrengen. With our view from upstairs, looking through the space under the glass, we could see the crowds gathering in place.
As everyone knows, getting a place in 770 was no simple matter. Downstairs, there were those who had a makom kavua (a set spot) while others had to come early to save their spots. Upstairs, in the Veiber Shul, we would come very early in the morning, hours before Shacharis, to save a place for the Farbrengen. The place was packed and no one minded! A Farbrengen with the Rebbe was an otherworldly experience.
Suddenly, right below us, we noticed a scuffle. There seemed to be some kind of a dispute over a place. A guest from France and a guest from Eretz Yisroel were arguing. (It must have been their first time in 770 since it was way out of line.) We watched in rising alarm as the scuffle escalated. In all my years in 770, this was the only time I actually saw a real physical fight.
And just then, the Rebbe entered, that long-awaited, electric moment of song and rejoicing. Peace seemed to be restored. We breathed a sigh of relief, and all was forgotten in those magical moments of the Rebbe’s presence. The Farbrengen began. The room was pin-drop silent and the Rebbe’s voice rang out low and clear.
Suddenly, the unthinkable happened. The fight picked up again in the middle of the sicha and in the stillness, we heard the tumult of pushing and a real gezetzte patch. We all froze. My face burned with shame that such a thing could happen in that holy moment.
The Rebbe stopped speaking. We could hardly breathe. My heart was beating so hard that I was afraid it could be heard in the utter and complete silence. The girl next to me gripped my shoulder hard. A ripple of fear went through the great room. Then, we all heard it. The Rebbe turned to the man who hit and said simply and clearly: “Kum aher-tzu” (come here).
It was a royal command, an invitation and a rebuke all at once. The throngs parted as the man made his way up towards the Rebbe. He now had the most coveted place in 770, right next to the Rebbe, where he remained for the entire farbrengen. The Rebbe then continued the sicha as if nothing had happened. Our hearts slowly resumed their normal beat and we were swept up in the beauty of the sichos, the majesty of the nigunim.
Before the next farbrengen, just before the Rebbe entered, the same man stood up by the long table near the Rebbe’s red chair and asked for silence. Then with great humility and courage, he asked mechila from the crowd. We had all witnessed a complete transformation. From aggression and flying fists to humility, compassion and courage.
Now, let’s stop and think for a moment. There are many things the Rebbe could have said. What would be the message with words like (chas vesholom): “You in the black hat, out of the Shul!”, “Gei arois! Out of the shul. Out of Lubavitch. Out of …. chas vesholom.” Instead, the Rebbe said: Kum aher-tzu. Come here.
The message is: You, who need that extra lesson, you stay by my side. Come closer. Come here. No one thought: how outrageous! He hits someone and gets extra kiruvim. Hayitochen?
The Rebbe showed us all: Davka the kid who is out of hand, even if he has crossed boundaries, HE needs the kum aher.
Sending someone out of class, out of the shul, has a message that is not part of Lubavitch chinuch. We don’t ever say ‘gei arois’. Our job is to say kum aher. In Lubavitch, we welcome, we invite, we embrace. Yemin mekareves – our yemin, our strong and dominant hands, our head counselors, counselors and teachers should draw them near.
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So here’s the scenario this coming summer, with Hashem’s help:
A shul full of excited kids, geared up for the most amazing summer of their lives, each one of them with parents who have invested so much to bring them to this great moment. The counselors are sitting with their bunks. That kid who can’t sit still? He’s right next to his counselor, who’s keeping a friendly eye on him. And if he really can’t stay seated? The counselor will have him hand out snacks/ siddurim to the whole bunk. Or have him deliver an important note to another staff member.
The Head Counselor gets up to speak. His message is about how valued, cherished and important every camper is. And some rules. He is dynamic and smiling and joyous and the kids who still have butterflies in their stomachs since they gave that last hug to Mommy start to relax and think: This is gonna be amazing! Camp is fun.
The head counselors and staff in every camp must be chosen based on their capacity to care for every child, especially in a camp where we want to impart the message of Ahavas Yisroel, the foundation of Lubavitch. Ahavas Yisroel is not only something we learn from the seforim. It has to be embodied by real live people. And who can do that more than the amazing Head Staff and staff of our camps?
Camp is the cradle of chassidim. Oh, and you in the blue cap? Kum aher-tzu. We have a place for you.
P.S. This is written in gratitude to all our devoted staff who have joined our shlichus in Sweden in the past 30 years and for this upcoming summer and in honor of all the beloved campers of Tzeirei Hashluchim and Shluchos Sweden and their incredible parents.
Ve’hachi ytten el liboi
We should take this to heart
This is the best and most inspiring article ever to appear on collive
Your fans from Miami
❤️👍💯! Great article- full of toichen and very well written!!
Can you please write some more pieces on chassidishe chinuch and communication??
Wow! Powerful words. Couldn’t have been said better.
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Important lesson for parents in chinuch too. Stop the time outs, embrace your “unruly” or misbehaving or even angry and hitting child instead of rejecting him. That’s unconditional love.
You can be a mentor for many young counselors all over the world. Kol HaKavod for making real Ahavas Isroel and peace between “ the mothers from the first article “ to the “ counselors from the second one”
This should be distributed as a pamphlet to every staff member this year.
Wow so inspiring and so true .
Brought me back 30 years to Gan Yisroel.
Tears.
Tears.
Tears.
Ad mosaii??? 27 years???? Shokl zich!
there aren’t any other staff during the first day speech.
Just the head staff. That’s it.
The former head staff members response still stands…
Why not have the counselors in the room? They can also model the respectful listening that the head counselor deserves and that will B’ezras Hashem make camp run more smoothly.
Because the bunks weren’t divided yet. How can a counselor be in charge of “his bunk”?
Not sure which camp you have been to but there’s always counselors especially on the first day?! And come here in stead of pushing away can always stand even if not counselors there.
B”H Firstly I want to thank the author of this article for not only explaining best practices for educators, but taking the time to choose appropriate stories of our Rebbe to embody each of these powerful strategies. To the one who commented about the staff not yet being with the campers (i.e. the counselors have not yet been assigned to bunks yet before the speech). I would simply respond with the famous quote some attribute to Albert Einstein “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. Yes, the staff haven’t been assigned, and… Read more »
Why aren’t the other staff present?
The bunks weren’t given out yet, but normally the counselors are still there just not with there bunk, they could still help though
Because they like to have a surprise of who the counselors are and which bunk gets which counselors
The head counselors are giving a serious speech, there is no reason for the staff to be there. I dont understand why people don’t approve of the screaming, and calling out. Don’t talk in the first place. The head counselors spent months working on camp and how to make it as fun as they can in the most safe and chassidishe way. For example If a parent is talking to there kid about not looking when crossing the street and the kid all of sudden just starts laughing or doing crazy things the parent would definitely tell them to stop.… Read more »
You are right that is many/most camps this is the practice; let’s break it down. The staff are not present in the room usually for two reasons (wait for it-) 1. The counselors have not been assigned to their bunks and will be making a grand entrance at the end of the speech (this reason doesn’t account for non counselors) 2. The staff (including non counselors) are not present in order to give the head counselors the ability to scare the kids out of their wits (control method), and it’s thought that having the staff in the room would detract… Read more »
I’m not sure you’re being serious… Thank God we have an incredibly creative pool of staff I’m sure we can figure out how to Make those first moments Of the camp experience a joyous and welcoming one.
Children need role models.
Let’s all model appropriate behaviour so that our children will follow accordingly.
Sometimes adults lose sight of the fact that children are watching and observing the ways we act and behave in private and in public!
We have an tremendous responsibility to act responsibly.
Some kids will just try to ruin something for the fun of it! you can’t just hand out snacks and expect these kids to behave now that they have popcorn. Some kids need to be disciplined!
If a child is acting out, ask yourself what is behind it.
Perhaps the child needs attention, or has more energy at that moment then you are allowing them to express, or perhaps the problem is something in you, perhaps in your style or content that is not engaging their attention.
Perhaps the child has some physical challenge that effects their attention, and you h”v somehow imagine you can “beat it out of them”.
The list is endless.
If you have a problem with a child, the failure is generally yours.
Nobody thinks that more snacks are the solution.
The point is that if the head staff have a healthy understanding with their staff then they have a healthy control instead of a forced one.
Dear Leah, Your article brought tears of emotion to my eyes. Many years before you were married at living as a Shlucha in a “Midbar” I was privileged to enjoy Shabbos afternoons with my friends, and you as our “Leader”. The games, the inspiration, the stories (yes, the scary Spanish inquisition stories) were the highlight of my Shabbos, but most of all, up until this day, your care and concern, you פנימיות and your kindness still stays with me. I can only hope and pray that directors, head counselors and counselors are ingesting your words and paying heed to them.… Read more »
On that point, can we please abolish counselors and leaving teachers telling scary stories? They get a kick out of it, and we as kids even begged for it, but it was an unnecessary trauma. It’s difficult for me to forgive a particular guest story teller that told us a (made up) scary story (and insisted it was real)
You are absolutely right!
Thank you for sharing these beautiful stories to make your very memorable points. (I was in 770 in those years too but don’t remember any of this.) תלכי מחיל אל חיל not just in Sweden but throughout the world of Lubavitch with your excellent, down-to-earth guidance!
Shulammis Saxon
Time to change the “order” of how things are done. Head counselors should just welcome the boys, and then just announce the bunks with their counselors. Let the boys then unpack, settle in and meet their bunk mates and counselors. After unpacking, meet again in shul and go over the camp rules. At that point all campers are already with their counselors and bunk mates. The one who “usually make a ruckus because they actually need attention ” can already feel more settled cuz he’s sitting near his counselor who is already giving him attention. And if he actually acts… Read more »
Imagine being a camper, it’s your first time in camp and your nervous, you don’t know how things are going to go. Like this you already know your bunk, your counselor and your settled in.
As a bochur and staff member, I one hundred percent with the position that the head staff should be scary ( three kids don’t need to be shivering in their boots, but they do need to know that there are lines they can not cross, and it will be firmly enforced), but this idea is one I have a hard time disagreeing with.
Great point, not sure how well a speech would work with staff in the room ( for many reasons) but there’s certainly many reasons to assume this a better alternative then what happens now
Thank you! This is very well communicated.
This is real deal Rebbe-based chinuch
Thank you!
I think that every counselor, mother and teacher must read this amazing article written by Mrs Namdar.
It is clear to me that Sweden camp gives THE best Chinuch (not to push down any camp), I have never sent my kids there, but from the sound of it, I should of.
May you go from strength to strength in giving out the Rebbes message
Thank you for taking the time and energy
As a head counselor in a CGI camp over 40 years ago when I asked for quiet I addressed myself to the counselors and they in turn got theirs campers quiet. There was never a need to raise my voice. It’s also took a fraction of the time for it to get quiet. It also helped to preserve the respect of the head counselor. The same holds true for a principal running an assembly. It is the teachers who should get the students quiet. If a student is disturbing the teacher should quietly remind the student that the principal is… Read more »
You write that ‘the counslers are with their bunks during the head counsler speech’.
This is not the way it works. No staff are allowed in thr shul during the speech!
If the results of this functional it’s time for change. And smell the coffee
And why on earth aren’t the counselors allowed inside then??
1:Because they like to surprise the campers with who the counselors are
2: because the staff will laugh at the speech and they can’t be sent out of the Shul
Hope this helps!
This is the problem. The staff are not present because the HCs want to yell without the staff laughing
Just because something is the “way it works” doesnt mean thats the way it should be.
In fact the series of op eds make the point that this way is NOT WORKING. Its hurting some kids. Badly.
Let’s revamp the whole approach!
It seems all very nice and kumbaya to read these articles. Parents like myself will then respond and maybe feel somewhat better. However the issues presented here with some great solutions still do not address what could be done in-advance to help camps run smoothly for all. They need training. Training on how to deal with large crowds. Especially young campers. This training should include all staff members, who deal with children. How are we to expect these young people to be able to handle taking care of 15-200 campers. They themselves are young and still learning. The second issue… Read more »
Correction: I don’t believe it’s correct that there is no training
Wow that was so beautifully written ! Thank you for sharing
The general philosophy of life and acceptance and needing more staff to be involved with the individuals expressed in this article is true and crucial. However there are a few unrealistic points here, Firstly, from what I understand the author is a director of a much smaller camp, for less time than where these incidents are taking place. Smaller setting is always easier. There obviously huge amount of work that goes on, but it’s very different. Secondly, we can’t compare our staff to the Rebbe. While we can and must learn how to behave, it is a “regular” human being… Read more »
Dear Leah, Always well spoken, always well said. Your article took Goldie’s perspective, and the head counselors’ and gave real solutions. Typical Leah! I am so thankful. We as mommies, can definitely use these solutions in our parent roles. Morahs can use it in their teaching roles. This advice is universal. You are amazing, and Hashem should bentch you with kol tev sela. All the Rebbe’s brochos, bestowed on you so that you can have the koach to continue to influence in such a powerful and positive way. The Rebbe’s way. Thank you, you definitely inspired me. (OK, and made… Read more »
I just wanted to show my gratitude to Gan Yisroel Parksville that treated me well when I was a camper. Now a parent, (although my family has an above average reputation in Lubavitch (so I think)), I have no connections to the Director etc., yet my son was accepted on partial scholarship. Very grateful for that. Although some of the feedback published can be implemented at a minimal financial cost, Lubavitch camps are very affordable compared to their counterparts in other communities, so we ought to see the flaws in that context. Not excusing sins, just contextualizing that if you… Read more »
Wow! This is a FABULOUS response and approach. I hung onto every word as I read about the Rebbe’s rallies and the altercation in 770 and how The Rebbe handled it! I would like to share a similar story/approach that happened with our great-Zaide, R’ Yochanan Gordon, and The Frierdike Rebbe. In the years when R’ Yochanan Gordon was in Lubavitch as a bochur, there would be a Pesach Seder together with the entire yeshiva. The older bochurim would be appointed as supervisors for tables of younger bochurim. One Pesach, R’ Yochanan (who was 16 years old) was one of… Read more »
I just want to add one point that may seem to contradict but it doesn’t Sometimes a kid needs some time away from others, and it is not anti-Lubavitch to allow them some time to think and breathe If the tone is said with love And the ‘break’ is administered because we really can’t wait for the kid to come back and join us again when he’s more calm and focused… Then I don’t think it’s damaging The thing about chinuch is that you have to know your kids and be in tune with the essence of the issue when… Read more »
This is beautiful.
I think this should be relevant in our schools as well. Not only in camp (that, too, though). Not every child is capable of sitting all the time, try as we might to motivate them to do so. And not every rebbi or morah is capable of handling such children.
Beautifully written…
Thank you.
I now have another fundamental reason to why the Tzeirei Hashluchim camps in Sweden are so trusted by us parents and popular by our children.
If only every camp and school would establish this style of engagement and education, many young lives would be bettered, many people all around would be healthier and happier!
Dear Rabbi and Mrs Namdar,
Thank you for everything you do for us fellow Shluchim. We appreciate you.
May you be blessed with continued brochos and success!
Beautiful and well written piece and full of toichen. While the camper may flush at being called up, it’s certainly better than being degraded by being yelled at in front of everybody.
yay now we have an opinion from a mother, head counselor and even a camp director!
Whose gonna write a response to the response of the response of the original article? (Needs to be a camper)
Looking forward!
(Maybe we can even get an opinion from the camp rabbi, or even the cook!)
all those good ideas are done in camp, still doesn’t answer the question of the first day speech. i think we can all agree that the kum aher tzu worked because it was the rebbe because it was in 770 because of a million other circumstances, who it was etc. the kum aher tzu way of running acamp, on the first day of camp would be a disaster. why is kicking a kid outta the room considered embarrassing a kid, agreed the kid gets embarrassed but so does the kid get embarrassed when he comes home with a bad mark… Read more »
This actually does really address the hc speech.
To me it doesn’t sound like you’re coming from a Chinuch perspective.
What happens in camp is “making an example” of the camper who dares keep that smile of his face when the HC is serious. This is abusive
In order to make sure the kid isn’t a delicate snowflake you don’t need to be abusive.
The HC becomes the enemy day one when in many many cases he would’ve had a shot at being an influential figure for the kid.
Thank you for your words of wisdom!
The exact approach the Rebbe would want.
on the bus up to camp have the adult go over to a certain camper and get them to be the “Korban” like this no one gets hurt and the kids will behave…..
Maybe the names of the head counselors who continue to call out a child, thus degrading and maybe damaging the kid chas v’sholom, should be published publicly. Future in laws should know if this is a compatible young man for their daughter.