We Must Do More To Protect Our Children

By Rivkah Bloom

I’ve been witnessing the unfolding of the story of the abuser, Chaim Walder, and the subsequent reactions. The abuse, which was known by many, and yet had been allowed to continue for over 20 years. The abuse of 22 known victims. (Although if 22 victims came forward, there are probably many more who have remained silent).

And I know one thing: This abuse was only able to last so long, with so many victims, due to a communal lack of education. Lack of education of our children, lack of education of our leaders, lack of education of parents.

This true chronic tragedy was permitted to continue due to a lack of education of an entire community.

I’ve been watching. I’ve been waiting. I’ve been hoping that the stunned, disgusted reactions would transform from feelings and discussions of books to manifested action. The type of action which would save one child. And then another child. And then another.

I’ve been a Safety Kid volunteer for the last 10 years. In my role, I annually enter Jewish schools and teach children about how important their safety is, how to sense what is and is not safe, and how they can respond and reach out for support. I teach them what should they do if they get lost. How they should respond if there is a fire in their house.

I talk to them about how to differentiate between touch that is appropriate and safe, and touch that is not. And what to do in situations in which they feel uncomfortable.

It is my privilege and honor to model and teach these kids boundaries, definitions, and discuss something that their parents might not be able to or willing to discuss with them.

Implementing programs like this allows children to gain awareness of the sacred nature of their own bodies and boundaries. Having these discussions also educates the future adults of this world about body boundaries.

Engaging in conversations about consent and safety allow our youth to grow up with a firm awareness that their body belongs to them, and the bodies of others do not.

This education is crucial. Over my years volunteering, I’ve received countless questions and comments from kids, indicating that they are curious. That they need to know that there is a safe place to speak about these things.

It is up to us, as resourced adults, to craft room for our kids to speak about things that are confusing for or hurtful to them.

Children don’t yet know what is right/wrong, or where to seek support. During my time as a Safety Kid volunteer, I’ve personally heard heartbreaking stories, with kids truly not understanding where help might live.

There was the young girl who shared that her housekeeper was hurting her, and her mother’s response, “It is probably your fault.”

I’ve held space for a boy saying he has no “safe helpers” to speak to about things that make him uncomfortable. And his honest question, asking what he should do. Who he should turn to.

I’ve had a girl tell me that she never even realized that she could refuse the kisses from her uncle which make her feel uncomfortable.

Every year, we facilitate these trainings. We engage in these conversations. And I’ve seen what a difference they make. When I return to the same school in subsequent years, the children are much more confident in their answers. Their questions become more sophisticated. They slowly grow confidence in the knowledge that their body belongs to them. They fully believe that there are adults to speak with who will believe them.

And they know the protocol to follow if someone did touch them in a way that made them uncomfortable.

Education makes a difference. Even an hour a year spent in explicit discussion about safety and body autonomy saves lives.

Imagine if we, as a community, ensured that every child, every teacher, every leader, every parent, had an hour of required education each year. Our schools would be safer. Our shuls would be safer. Our camps would be safer.

Our communities would be safer. More open. More responsive to take action.

As Dr. Akiva Perlman, a therapist who specializes in abuse within the frum community said in a talk this week, “We have a model that works within our community. Within communities that are comfortable with educating children and educating parents, we know that it works. We have a track record: there are less cases coming in from communities that are addressing these issues and more cases coming in from communities that are not.”

It is unbelievable to me that in 2022, when there are programs available to educate , that schools are still declining to educate their students. Here, in South Florida, there are STILL schools that do not prioritize devoting one hour a year to utilize established and easy to implement programs which can keep our children safe.

I’m here, advocating that EVERY SINGLE JEWISH SCHOOL should have an education program.

Every single school in South Florida should have a yearly educational program.
Every single school in Bnei Brak should have a yearly educational program.
Every single school worldwide should have a yearly educational program.

When distressing news like this arises, we can do more than respond emotionally.

We all have the power to make a difference. We can all translate despair, distress, sadness, anger into actionable steps that will protect our children.

There is something that YOU, as an individual, can do.
YOU can volunteer to teach and educate.
YOU can sponsor a session in a school.
YOU can lobby to have your school teach this every single year to the children in your community.

We need open, educational programs about safe/unsafe touch in every single one our schools.

This is an opportunity. An opportunity to push ourselves to do more.

The future generation needs us, as adults, to step up, and open discussions.

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Rivkah Bloom is the creator of the Rabbinically approved MikvahCalendar.com website, Iphone, and Android app. Carrying both a bachelors and masters in Computer Science and Electrical Engineering from MIT, she has spent years devoting her technical knowledge to her passions of Jewish education and living. She lives in Hollywood together with her husband, a Rabbi and licensed marriage and family therapist, and their children.

VIDEO: A talk to expand on this subject: