By Rabbi Shmully Hecht – Yale/New Haven
– Part 2 of Gimmel Tammuz at the Ohel (Part 1 here)
Heading to the Ohel for Shabbos Gimmel Tammuz, I’m driving south on the 95 on a summer Friday afternoon. Against traffic. Traffic is Northbound at Latitude 41.3083° N, and Longitude 72.9279° W. It’s simply the weather. Connecticut shoreline, Vermont, Maine, New Hampshire and for the New England patricians Litchfield, Cape Cod, and Nantucket. Beaches, prairies, summer cottages, fishing, boating, horseback riding and antique shopping. Frankly, any destination to escape the City. But Jews have never followed the traffic I thought. We are the chosen few.
My first nine emails seeking a bed for Shabbos Gimmel Tammuz are kindly rebuffed. “I don’t have a place myself, I’m not going this year, Sorry no room, Now you wake up…, Why do you need a bed…Who do you think you are, I told you to buy a house at the Ohel… It’s 5 PM and I’m in Westchester. There goes the sun. I hit the Whitestone bridge and my brother-in-law Rabbi Shmuli Levitin, Shliach in Seattle, suggests a call to Rabbi Elkanah Shmotkin. ‘He always saves a bed for cunctators like you Shmully.’
5:03 PM and a few short WhatsApp voice’s to Elkanah. “Elkanah my last resort is to extend a hammock across Francis Lewis Blvd. I would prefer to avoid shutting down the traffic on the fairway. An instant reply. “We heard about your predicament. We are buying mattresses. 227-98 120th avenue. We’ll see you very soon.” “What should I bring?” I write. “Your neshama” is his reply. OK, this looks like it’s going to get very expensive…
But I was a made man.
I arrive at “Home at the Ohel” which I instantly rechristen to “Boutique Four Seasons at the Ohel.” Architecturally designed, modern and high tech, multiple bedroom suites on two floors, elegant dining room, and a larger meeting room on the lower level. The place is spotless. The AC is blasting in addition to an outdoor space in the yard. Endless food is displayed throughout. New mattresses, pillows and linen are piling up as 8-year-old Avremel Shmotkin and 5-year-old Meir Shmotkin are setting the bedding for the overflow of anticipated guests. I ask Meir about the net weekend booking. 5-year-olds relay accurate numbers. “160” he replies, whilst carrying six pillows towering over his head. Good thing the housing inspector is not doing his rounds.
In the adjacent backyard, a feast is being prepared for what turned out to be the grand finale of a three-day Bar Mitzvah celebration of Yechezkel Deren, hailing from Greenwich, CT. Greenwich is a fine suburb of New Haven. Among the baalei batim arriving in 5-minute intervals were various members of the nuclear Shmotkin family. We chatted about former Yale students now living in their communities and the various degrees of their current involvement with Chabad. Senior family patriarch, Rabbi Yisroel Shmotkin, had a few sardines.
“Hecht, stop with the ‘macht baal tshuvahs,’ he politely corrects me. “We don’t ‘make’ baal tshuvahs.” People do tshuva, we too should only be zoche to follow in their ways.” He is still in touch with Josh Richman – Yale class of 1998. Josh was Asst. Conductor of the Yale Symphony orchestra who embraced Yiddishkeit upon graduating from Yale and lives in Milwaukee. During his college days, he once costumed in my hat and Kapota at the annual campus Halloween party where he was performing. He opened the event for over 1000 students by welcoming them and then proudly announcing, “And Shabbat Shalom.” To a collective response from hundreds, “Shabbat Shalom” He told me today that it was that initial announcement that propelled his journey to Yiddishkeit. And that he had a daughter born on the anniversary of the event. He named her Sara Tikvah. There is hope my friends.
In walk the brothers Reb Mendel Shmotkin, Reb Levi Shmotkin, Reb Yudi Shmotkin, Reb Meir Shmotkin. Shliach Rabbi Yossi Zaklikovksy from Texas sends a selfie of us to Yale alum Eric Rubenstein as I text Eric for his and his mother’s Hebrew names. One should assume this is emblematic of the goings-on in multiple homes in the neighborhood as Chasidim reconnect in the final hour before Shabbos Beis Tammuz. We’re global now, interconnected and instantaneously, leaving little room for error.
*
Kabolos Shabbos. The tent is swarming with Chosids. Shliach to Thailand Rabbi Yosef Chaim Kantor and I delve into a maamer followed by a letter of the Rebbe. We kibitz for a few minutes about one particular Yalie now in Bangkok that frequents the Chabad House. I remind him that he was the iluy of the Mirrer Yeshiva before he dropped out and landed in university. Was a ben bayis here among the Shluchim. Thailand is his second stop. Perhaps he’ll come full circle, return to his roots and marry a Lubavitcher. We daven and trek to the tent. It’s 10 PM.
It is not merely a tent. It’s a pavilion. The size of an outdoor stadium. There is a lavish buffet feast at its center. Tables are set elegantly as far as the eye can see. Reb Abba Refson and the Ohel Squad of misadrim are known for their extravagance. A prelude to seudas livyason. Ashreichem.
I find seats with my brothers-in-law Reb Mendel Levitin and Shmuli Levitin. Shliach to Montclair NJ, Rabbi Yaakov Leaf squeezes in among us. Shliach to Columbia University, Rabbi Yuda Drizin is two seats over. A Covid-era Shliach. Double grind for the rookies. The Yale Columbia rivalry dissipates rapidly and the Jewish student name swapping starts. Kiddush, Hamotzi and one can barely hear themselves speaking. More tables are being unfolded and set up behind us.
The smartest fellow at the table is a chasidisher Yungerman seated to my left. An upper-middle-class professional in a kapota who possesses a brilliant mind. He personifies the fabulous combination of Torah and Derech Eretz and is a model for a term the Rebbe used, Chasidim that are made in America. The ones that will be at the front lines greeting Moshiach.
It’s way past midnight and the conversation turns somber. This chosid to my left is recounting in detail how he was forced to take his child out of a Crown Heights school because the administration felt it wasn’t “suitable for his daughter.” Days before the start of the School year he was compelled to relocate his entire family to another city and place his children in a non-Lubavitcher School. The sadness in his voice was tangible. I was seated at the Ohel alongside a yungerman who had graduated the best Yeshivas, gone on Shlichus, worked for Chabad mosdos and got the incessant run around from our own Schools, ultimately leading to his daughter’s expulsion 6 years before her bas mitzvah. I couldn’t have soup. Luckily, he had arranged some contraband spirits before Shabbos. He whisked out a half-gallon of Smirnoff and the farbrengen began.
What happened to Lubavitch we asked. We’re running off to the far corners of the world to find one Jew, print Tanyas in remote villages, build schools in antisemitic countries, hang mezuzahs on embassies and feed the hungry in swamps, yet depriving our own families a Chabad education. I envision the naysayers on their recliners smirking cynically. They comment under their breath. “Well Hecht you don’t know the whole story, you never met the child, we tried, there is a whole class to worry about, its healthier for the group, we expel one to save many…” sure; and throw in the cost-benefit analysis, why don’t you. Pull out your algorithm. Present the formula on the excel spreadsheet. Highlight the net positive results. Shame on us. In Williamsburg, it would never happen. Even in Lakewood I highly doubt it. (Shame on you Hecht for sharing this on COL, I’ll be told).
Gimmel Tammuz was a day to reflect. Personally, and communally. Deeply and painfully. I have sinned. I have erred. I have neglected. I have told tales to myself and my peers. Aren’t we exhausted by all the wonderful success stories that glorify Chabad and our achievements? Have we considered the masses never included in the glorious photos? I speak of our own children, too many today on the periphery. Enough of the triumphs. We’ve buried our failures in blindsight. How we can love the world if we don’t love ourselves. What are we doing in Anchorage and Zurich if we are driving our own families out of Crown Heights? For whom are we building schools if not initially at least for our own kin. The ones that are slightly on the margin or need a bit more. We have been desensitized to the internal crisis of indifference and complacency within the most hyper-local Chabad populace. Have we no room to move over for one more child in need of a little bit of extra time, care and affection.
Have we forgotten the simple meaning of the word sacrifice? YES, SACRIFICE. No Altar. No Temple. No High priest. Sacrifice in the simple meaning of the word. Mesiras Nefesh literally. To give of ourselves. With no commentary.
Historically we confronted challenges of various stripes that are thank G-d absent today. No Firepit. No lion’s den. No raging sea. The ancient world is extinct. No gallows. No Rack. No Gridiron. The medieval world has vanished. No KGB. No Gestapo. No Stasi. The commies, the Nazis and the fascists are a phenomenon of yesteryear. We are candidly living in the best of times. Sacrifice has redefined itself.
The fellow to my left has since told me that he has cried endless nights at the Ohel. Perhaps it’s time to stop the crying.
2:30 AM. I headed back to the Four Seasons. The Deren family farbrengen was unwinding with the remaining quorum of intergenerational night owls congregating in the bar mitzvah tent reminiscing and farbrenging. Elkanah was ambling through the house assuring everyone a place to sleep. I strolled into the living room and found one empty couch. The room was pitch dark with extra drapes adorning any possible crack of light from adjoining rooms. I could not sleep. They took their child out of our institution because she didn’t FIT. She was expelled because our mechanchim failed them. In essence, we have failed.
5:00 AM. A glorious site. There are mattresses lined wall to wall and scores of children in deep slumber alongside negel vaser at the edge of every mattress. Children from 4 years old and up. A slumber party at the Ohel. Pray, study, sing and listen to the wise. Contrast that to the Hamptons. Don’t go there… How blessed are we to have been born with the higher calling? The room is quiet. It’s the first and only time it is so and will remain such through the Shabbos. Every child sacred. Every child pure. Every child a generation. The Rebbe’s children arrived at the Ohel to pay tribute and grow spiritually, basking in the light of a Tzadik they never physically met. They are happily sleeping on the floor on military mattresses. Ashreinu.
By 6 AM everyone was vertical and a minyan was formed downstairs. We were called upon. Some had already been learning Chasidus. Danny Shapiro was davening. Schneur Minsky was learning Chasidus. Schneur was telling me how his greatest joy was giving young couples parnasah. And, that JEM’s My Encounter was his idea. To be investigated. The conversation was brief as he was deep in learning. Schneur and Danny are the pillars of Chabad. No formal titles. No accolades. No need for approbation. In it for the cause. Totally immersed. The ultimate Shluchim, with no formal titles. Rabbi Bentzi Sudak of England pops in. A second-generation Shliach who learned from the Master. We contemplated the dearth and therefore necessity for a mainstream book that would convey Chasidus to those totally alien to the cause. Preferably written by a layperson. Jews are tired of sermons from Rabbis. Bentzi embodies the unique blend of a critical mind and British humor. Rabbis should make their constituents cry and laugh. Those are the keys to going viral. Ari Greenwald, a spiritual communal leader and Shliach in Westlake Village California walked in with the Torah. A Classic anonymous leader and (rumor has it) anonymous philanthropist. Take initiative.
Kriah, aliyas, A mi sheberech and a few nominal financial pledges to great causes. Off to Mikveh and the Ohel. Shachris is over and it’s time to farbreng.
I walked over to the Shemtov House. Modest accommodations. The lineup was severe. Reb Levi Shemtov, Detroit. Reb Yossie Shemtov, Arizona. Reb Noteh Shemtov, Crown Heights. Reb Kasriel Shemtov, Crown Heights. At the head of the table is Harav Hadayan Yacov Barber.
Kiddush and a nigun. I relayed how a few years back I had gone into Mendy’s Deli on Kingston Avenue and was checked out by a Lubavitcher-looking boy. Yet he didn’t seem to be wearing a yarmulka. We exchanged a few words and he mentioned that his father was on Shlichus in a remote European Country. I gave him my cell phone and invited him to New Haven for any Shabbos. He never came. I neglected to stay in touch. Two years later I read about his death (allegedly from an overdose). I was sick in my stomach. And guilty. I understand there is now a tefillin stand on Union and Kingston. Excuse me sir are you Jewish? Yes, my father is the head Shliach in…
Here goes Hecht with the dirty laundry. Shut him down now.
My dear friends, there is no dirty laundry. We are living in turbulent times. And silence is death.
The mood was intensifying. Rabbi Barber took the lead. Undoubtedly, we have fantastic mosdos, yeshivas and batei sefer. Certainly, we have dedicated melamdim living on a limited income and tremendous sacrifice to educate our children. Indeed Lubavitch is wonderful. Look at all the wonderful photos on COLlive and successful Charidy campaigns swarming with Lubavitch entrepreneurs supporting the mosdos and the Shluchim.
Yet there is a plague. Our children have in too many instances been commoditized. During plagues, people react differently. As the population starts to shrink mankind shows its true colors. The delusional deny its existence. The naïve acknowledge it and then disregard it. The frightened go into a panic and escape. The brave attempt to contain it. The vulnerable commit suicide. The fearless heroes go to battle. For further reference, one only needs to read the reviews of The Plague, by Albert Camus published in 1947. He won the Nobel Prize in 1957. He died at 46.
Nuteh Shemtov is one brave hero. We are well aware of his work. Aliyah. Regrettably, there are few families that have been able to avoid Aliya’s chesed and unconditional love for our own children. Mine included. But the farbrengen was an attempt to pierce the root of the problem. Almost every single child in Lubavitch receives a childhood education with few exceptions as noted above. The trial commences in the formative teenage years, and herein lies the plague.
Mashke flowed. The delicacies circulated. A nigun was sung. There were heartbreaking cries. Our bochurim are being rejected, yes, rejected by our mosdos. Though most are ultimately accepted, it is all too often not the appropriate school. I would venture to claim that there isn’t a grandparent in Lubavitch today that hasn’t experienced a serious dilemma at some point in getting a teenager into Mesivta. Heartache, sleepless nights, anxiety, waiting, angst. There was no one at the table that was not either rejected or had dealt with a family member that was. No one is immune. The plague is ubiquitous. The rats are back.
The hanhalas claim they are preserving the integrity of their mosdos, they don’t have enough beds, they are short on funds, your child will drag down the class, there is a better place for your son. All of the above may be true. But the net result of this unfolding epidemic is a mivtzoim stand on Union and Kingston. For our own families. The rejects are most often the initial ones to check out of the Yeshiva system, entering the workforce prematurely, and ultimately embracing alternative lifestyles. A select few of the more fortunate parents have funds or connections. They then barter to open slots and inadvertently move other applicants to the bottom of the list. “What has happened to us Noteh, Ad heichan higanu.” Levi Shemtov was affirming the crisis. Rabbi Yossie Shemtov was confessing his own experience with traces of the plague. Rabbi Barber was demanding practical solutions.
Kasriel challenged us to authenticate our passion. Was this simply another barrage of howling in the wind, yet another critique of the system, or were we willing to do something about it. Kasriel is an askan in Crown Heights and I haven’t seen him in decades. Large brown loving eyes and high cheekbones, a radiating smile. I told him how good he looked and that he had lost some weight since our summers in the 1980s in Gan Yisroel. Something truly magical occurs when chasidim reunite at a farbrengen in the Shadows of the Ohel. Most often it brings out the best in us even if only momentarily. Collective childhood memories reinforce our unity and inseparable bond. At the Ohel, we are one family, indivisible with love and Justice for all. We reinforce the pledge of allegiance to the Rebbe and for all he stands.
Kasriel began: “When we visit my brother and his family in Tucson, we take the children horseback riding. On one such family excursion to Wild Horse Ranch, my son was given a horse that was simply not cooperating. It stood on its hind legs and refused to budge. Witnessing the standstill and hold up of the troupe the cowboy shouted “whip em whip em…” My bochur started to whip the horse.”
We downed a Lchaim. Where was this going, we wondered. A maaseh mit a ferd. Gimmel Tammuz…
“ …the horse didn’t budge so he whipped him again, harder and faster. ‘Don’t whip em hard’ the rancher shrieked, ‘whip em like you mean it, whip em like you mean it.’ And only then did the horse begin to move. A walk, a trot, a canter and a gallop. At the end of the trail I asked the fellow to explain the episode. The rancher wasn’t the cleverest fella. In fact, when we needed to tally the bill, he waited for his mom to calculate 19 times 12. He clarified that a horse doesn’t need to be whipped hard. The horse can sense if you mean it and complies when you do. Sometimes you simply tap the horse and off it goes.”
Rabbi Barber resumed the discussion and within a few moments, we resolved that the plague must come to an end. In that humble dining room we ten chasidim resolved that a committee of concerned citizens composed of parents from all walks of Chabad would be formed right then and there to assist and support the hanhalas of the Yeshivas in assuring that every single applicant to every single Yeshiva would be accepted. To the best of our ability the correct Yeshiva, not only best for the mosad, but for the bochur. No longer can mosdos operate in isolation of others. There would be a new responsibility undertaken by the collective of mosdos to no longer curate their particular mosad exclusively, rather ensure that every single bochur is also placed appropriately. Whilst allowing the Yeshivas to operate independently, the Vaad of Mosdos would centralize the system for Chabad globally.
A franchisee can open at 9 AM and close at 6 PM, while another member of the same franchise can stay open 24 hours a day. Yet, if you change the menu, you have forfeited the license. A simple database of every Chabad applicant to mesivta, ranked by abilities, strengths and weaknesses, along with a simple algorithm tweaked and monitored by human mechanchim would ensure that no child will be left behind. Additionally, transfers would allow for constant perfection of the individual chinuch and global network of Yeshivas. Through working in concert every Menahel and Mechanich will ensure that when his own child ultimately needs to leave his own home and local mosad (in cases where there is a better one out of town or when their mere age calls for a move) he will have an open slot elsewhere. The notion that we protect our own first, must end in Lubavitch. Every child is OUR OWN. Yes, we need more Yeshivas, more funds, additional and better-qualified mechanchim, incentives and of course parents’ cooperation. Chinuch begins at home. Over time the Vaad will deal with all of the above.
Over the past week a dozen of us, starting with the attendees of the farbrengen joined a WhatsApp group. We have successfully been joined by Rav Mordechai Farkash, listened to critical (no pun intended, important nonetheless) insight from the Rosh Rabbi Ezra Schochet and Rabbi Levke Kaplan, received interest from Rabbi Sholem Ber Lipskar and started conversing with hanholohs and baalei Battim from Yeshivas in multiple continents and cities across America. First, there was denial, then a rebuttal, then a dialogue. Meetings are happening, conversations are evolving, Merkos has been engaged and the existing Vaad under its auspices are in conversation with the leader of the group, Rabbi Barber. Supported by common folk like you and me. Please email him directly at yacovbarber@gmail.com. If you are reading this, he wants to hear from you.
When 19th-century Hungarian physician and scientist Ignaz Semmelweis pleaded with the medical community to simply wash their hands to avoid puerperal fever, he was considered a lunatic. He believed it was killing thousands of mothers in childbirth. He was ultimately condemned to a mental asylum, where he was beaten by the guards and died 14 days later. At the age of 47, that is. His ideas simply conflicted with the medical community consensus at the time. It was only after his death that germ theory as we know it, was universally accepted. Imagine going to a doctor today that refuses to wash his hands. Imagine an OBGYN of same.
And If I am excommunicated for raising a ruckus, I will sneak across heaven and whisper to Spinoza that his original cherem of the Rabonim, now housed in the Jewish Museum of Amsterdam could have had him placed there for better reasons, and on more meaningful grounds. When Professor Steven Smith at Yale asked Rav Adin Even-Israel (Steinsaltz) in the presence of many, “maybe I should stop teaching Spinoza?,” Rav Adin whispered with a smile, “and maybe you, can redeem Spinoza.” Steven Smith has never been the same.
Yodeinu Lo shafchu es hadam. We will first redeem ourselves and ultimately will redeem Lubavitch.
The author can be contacted at Shmully@279crown.org
After WW2, my great grandparents couldn’t afford tuition
The only school who would accept my Zaidy was Lubavitch
Me, my siblings, my cousins are Lubavitch today and are shluchim spreading the Rebbe’s vision
Could one imagine how Lubavitch now a days wouldn’t accept if someone can’t pay the tuition?! How can we turn away a child because of money?! The Rebbe clearly spoke extremely passionately about the importance of Chinuch and its a moseids job to fundraise and accept as many children as possible!!
did i misinterprate?!
the pained, the crying, most delicate and beautiful neshomos that dont find a better solution or reason to continue fighting with this cruel world are the ones that so painfully choose that road…..
no words to thank you and the new vaad, may u be matzliach…
we are parents suffering results of cruel treatment to our kids from the mosdos…
When rejected, some children start out on foreign roads. One road may have drugs, another road may be depression etc. Some of those roads are r”l Dead Ends.
All the women of Lubavitch. No new female leadership or ideas are allowed to be brought to the table. The older generation will not move over or make space for new feminine thoughts or programs. It all starts at home. Look no further than the few power hungry women leaders in Lubavitch.
I absolutely agree with you but it is at every table…the women’s. the men’s, everywhere! The school systems are so caught up in looking Chassidish with the people ate the helm having certain last names. Ba’alei teshuvas/converts have something to bring to the table but because we don’t have the right last names we are nobodys. We have completely different lenses than FFB’s. We’ve been in the world. We chose yiddihskeit! We have something to offer that those with fancy last names wouldn’t even think of. But every ba’al teshuva/convert knows that your last name is usually the most important… Read more »
Many wonderful bt and converts are still growing into their new lives. The ideas they bring are often off beat. They themselves will, at a later stage, admit this. On fact, they contaminate their children and even grandchildren with the the off beat remnants of their past. There is good reason to keep them away from the table of running communal institutions.
For that reason, mosdos should have a vaad, rabonim to consult etc.,
On the other hand, óften times we find the BT to be more sincere, well-meaning, less into politics or ‘how things will look in the outside etc.
So keep these wonderful people off the table?? Systematic racism?
Unfortunately many of the ‘old school’ got many harsh ideas from other frum communities such as boro park and williamsburg instead of basing everything on the Rebbe. We end up with our own version of ‘unorthodox’
I have many friends who are bts or children of bts. they are among the most wonderful, frum, people that i know. they are not in any way off beat
Really impressive poetry skills
So well written and ennoble to read.
Pls continue maybe open your own column or page? Blog?
Thank you for sharing your journey, thank you for the Chinuh reforms for our system. No child should be rejected. Chabad CH kids are our future. One data base to apply and get into the school in general, or mesivta /high school /etc based on the academical achievements only, regardless family yihus & financial needs. Pls, create one educational system for all school teachers, Rebbes and Morahs where they can share thoughts, the issues, and get professional support from pediatric psychologist and other pro of how to deal with a situation and how to approach the kid and uplift him… Read more »
Thank you! My son, a very good boy with NO issues, didn’t get in to a mesivta, for lack of space. We only applied to one, and farher was right before pesach. His father didn’t teach him the gemara well enough, as he didn’t realize it was so important as he is a good boy. Now, all yeshivos are full and not accepting applications. So should we send him to local misnagdish yeshiva??
I know of mesivtas that take late applicants, did u really look? Or are you despairing early
Machon Aharon mesivta. An amazing new program opening. Email machonaharon@gmail.com
Pls reach out to our vaad at yacovbarber@gmail.com
Our mission statement is to ensure that every bochur has a place in a lubavitcher mesivta that is suitable for him
As we say no family will be left behind
Yacov Barber on behalf of the vaad
He has divine providence to study Tanya in a different school with one who would not, otherwise.
Yeshiva and schools are a problem. But you can easily swap the “yeshiva” word with “Shlichis “. For so many years hundreds of yungerlait tried to get Shlichis and weren’t accepted, weren’t good enough , Didnt have enough family money , weren’t related to a head shliach etc so went into business or left the fold for not being “ good enough “ or a shliach, yet nobody spoke out. There were no conversations about how to get unconnected yungerleit shlichis places.
Hypocritical one may say…..
I fully agree with your comment. Sadly, many of our own were rejected and have left the with a very bad taste in their mouth. There needs to be a fair system. Nepotism and the like and not healthy for a community.
There are SO many available shlichus’n! Just be open to it. There aren’t any big cities waiting for you to make the headlines, but get out there and join a mosad. That’s what’s (mostly) necessary today
Wishing you alot of hatzlacha, this is definitely needed and spot on.
Incredible. Wishing you much hatzlacha .
Our local CH mesivtas accept everyone. It’s the out of town ones that don’t either because the bochur isn’t easy to deal with or because they want triple the tuition. We have been so happy with our local CH mesivta.
Staying local for yeshiva has so many benefits.
Agree!
I can attest (because I was part of the hanhala in a CH mesivta) that the worst place for a young Bochur is to stay in crown heights, Parents do not see what actually goes on in Crown heights. You are out of touch…
Gasp how can I say that ? Because EVERY child needs a yeshiva and NOT EVERY couple needs classic shlichus. We need to return to the eighties when the Rebbe stressed endlessly that we CAN MAKE WHEREVER WE ARE a shlichus. But a CHILD? a child needs chinuch in a good moisad. And our Moisdis need to SHAPE UP and INSPIRE our kids . How many more of our kids do we need to lose ?
Shlichus really begins earlier. When still at the CHILD level! Getting accepted into camp as a staff member! Getting a pessach shlichus as a bochur! Getting sent to yeshiva on shlichus! Connections! Nepotism! Arbitrary “qualifications “! Points! Schlep! Influence! That is part of the head mosdos “system”, and when si shtinkt foon kop, the feet smell too. This entrenched behavior of rejecting children on “beginners” shlichus trickles down to the branches of the educational system in various cities who follow the example set by the tree’s roots and main trunk. Children rejected by leading camps, rejected for pessach shluchus, rejected… Read more »
What about for our teenage girls? What school can they go to when they don’t want to dress tznius anymore and start heading out? The longer we keep them in our community, the bigger chances of them keeping a certain level of yiddishkeit.
Consider summer camps too!!! Why do summer camp applications require to know “mother’s maiden name”? Does it matter to determine acceptance of child if mother’s maiden name was McDonald or Schneerson?! They also need to know occupation of parent. Why? Does it matter if father is a melamed, business executive or in jail?! Does it matter if mother’s is a make-up artist, morah or fashion model?! I get it they want to investigate the child before acceptance – so speak to child’s school, the rov of shul, references, but why the need for checking yichus?! It stinks! When camps are… Read more »
When applying my son to yeshiva The constant reply is we’re full Every yeshiva is full They want you to call back in a few weeks and they’ll see if they could squeeze you in Why do parents have to beg and call and beg and call again and keep getting the same response as of now we’re full but I’ll see what we can do Until mid summer when they call back to say yes we have room for your son Like what’s the point of making parents stomachs turn?! What is parent suppose to tell their son? As… Read more »
Early pre-season the manager of the baseball team doesn’t know yet who he can recruit. Some potential players will be given immediate offers, others will be put on hold, till closer to the season, when the manager and coach can decide if this player is still wanted or not…
Oh, you’re talking about yeshivas? OK, I won’t rewrite, just switch a few words around like menahel and Rosh Yeshiva for manager and coach.
They all play the same game.
If you apply for few mesivtas ( paying full non refundable application/registration fee) and got rejected- your son has Zero chances to go to any school system. Even in college you have at least three choices and at least can choose the last one …
Seminaries play an even more vicious game of mi yichyeh u’mi yamus. Standing like the infamous Gestapo doctor directing who should go to the right or to the left. Cesar give the thumb up or thumb down. So do the seminary directors.
Please don’t compare any of this to the Nazis. Show some respect !
When a seminary rejects the acceptance of a girl, they shecht her. It is her personal Tisha B’Av.
HER FRIENDS GOT IN, SHE DIDN’T.
The pain is intolerable.
She feels her life is over.
My daughter fell into depression and was suicidal. She needed medications to stabilize – and she transformed from a happy-go-lucky, bright carefree girl who brought sunshine into the room and always smiled and laughed, into a gloomy sad dark person.
Maybe the earlier poster shouldn’t compare it to Gestapo and Natzi, but I compare the seminaries acceptance/rejection with “mi yichyeh u’mi yamus”.
As a bucher making the transition from mesivta (mainstream) to zal which no confirmed place for next year I will say like this the fact of the matter is that you can not compare seminary is a recent invention a bocher has to be under a hanohola as the rebbe says also so many girls go to seminary only to realize what a mistake they have made also for a girl who opts out of seminary has multiple options in preschools shlichis cause girls are generally more reliable at this age boys just end up stocking shelves and rachmana litzlan… Read more »
Thank you for addressing this important point. I would say however, that the issue starts much earlier than at the point of being kicked out of a yeshiva. That’s already very late in the story. Being proactive would be to create Yeshivos that have options for kids so that we don’t try to fit a square peg into a circle. Not all kids are struggling in Yeshiva just because they have learning difficulties. Some kids just can’t or aren’t interested to sit all day learning Gemara and other yeshiva subjects for so many hours. They need some variety. And, not… Read more »
This is the best comment yet
Ohr Temimim in Toronto is exactly what you describe. A chasidishe Mesivta for boys who take Yiddishkeit seriously and offers Limude Chol with an accredited High School diploma
Nice to know. Unfortunately too late for my son. But schools like this shouldn’t be few and far between. And also- there should be American options like that as well. It’s time to start thinking more along these lines… my son is not in the tiny minority. There are enough boys who need more options.
Ohr Temimim is NOT in Toronto. The mesivta of Toronto is Yeshivas Lubavitch (mesivta and zal). Ohr Temimim is north of Toronto at Chabad of Flamingo (which is even further north than the Thornhill community), it is around an hour drive due north of the Toronto mesivta. It was opened to cater to parents of bochurim that wish their children to pursue continued secular education of high school (and beyond).
We really need a chassidishe university for boys who take yiddishkeit seriously. Like a continuation to Ohr Temimim…
If secular education of high school is accepted as “chassidish”, why stop there? Why not also accept as chassidish going to college? (Of course not in a co-ed college, maybe something like Touro with Tanya courses to make it chassidish).
Like, where are the boundaries?
The non mainstream chabad schools cater to students who dont really want to learn much of anything and its frustrating to serious students who want to learn everything. They want Torah but they also want to have other skills in order to succeed in life and support that Torah lifestyle. Other yeshivas figured it out but they aren’t chabad or near crown heights
היפך כונה עליונה who are you to decide that your child will be a a balabos no that’s for him to decide after being taught all about the amazing responsibilities that our generation has on shlichus and by deciding not to expose him to a pure education that shows what the world SHOULD be just cause you would be uncomfortable if he made the decision that his life goal should be in accordance to the rebbes wish is a very boxed in education but if he want to work I will tell you many ppl are super successful without limmudei… Read more »
Open more Yeshivos! In the last 27 years Lubavitch has grown tenfold. Yet, the Yeshivos have not. There simply needs to be more spaces. NO Vaad or anything can solve this problem. More Yeshivos need to open.
We need more yeshivas, seminaries, summer camps! Even the “good boys” have a hard time getting into Mesivta.
Chinuch–it’s the new frontier!
And it will take a LOT of MONEY!
That is right, what most people don’t realize that even the “good and connected” are having a very hard time getting in. The landscape has changed. There are simply more students that need to go to out of town Mesivta’s than there is space. Camps seminaries etc. all the same. Open more Mosdos you will see the problem get much more manageable. Then to deal with the Students that the Mosdos don’t want to accept, that’s a whole other story. But don’t lump to issues together. How is any Vaad meant to deal with this issue? YES! there is a… Read more »
Why in the world is Chabad Summer camps so expensive
Our kids are dropping out because they have nowhere to go for the summer
We need all the input advice and help we can get. It makes no difference if your name is smith or shmidt. In fact as a dayan on the Melbourne Beis Din I can categorically say that our best teachers in the geirut program where former geirim themselves. Because if truth be told only a convert can understand what a prospective candidate is going through. Similarly I once had a conversation with a Baat Tshuva and he remarked that it is a lot easier for him to remain frum then a FFB. Since he knows that the world out there… Read more »
C’mon
People cant just raise thier kids any way they want and any lifestyle they want and then cry – why dont our institutions accept them
( not talking about the author -dont know him )
It’s so hard for BT to get children access to anywhere here and only using connection … we are CH residents – with limited choices and finances are pushed out of CH very often … so Shliah made me Chabad, I believed in Rebbes chinuh but my kids born to frum family of BT parents are really struggling to get accepted to any, not talking about privileged mesivtas …
Unfortunately this is true and it makes no sense. Why do shluchim bring ppl to chabad and then leave them hanging?
have you ever sat down with such a child who went through our institutions and asked them what turned them off? Every good company uses customer review/feedback as a way to improve and grow/change. We need to start doing the same. Those children will tell you they were turned off by a cold teacher, indifferent/abusive parent, and occasionally because nobody was willing to answer their philosophical questions; they were simply told, “have faith and don’t ask so questions.” If you want to see change we need to make the change. – Levi Rapoport
There’s so many batei chabad which have large facilities.. mainly really used on shabbos or high holy days..
can have a Mesivta at their place..
so many talented Chassidish yungerleit seeking jobs.. capable of teaching…
So why not have a Mesivta by chabad house and recruit yungerleit and start a new Mesivta.. there’s tremendous need..
Are you out if your mind? I once allowed a mesifta to use my beautiful spacious chabad house for ONE month of the summer. They destroyed the place! The mess and damage was unbelievable! It cost me not just money for restoration but also ballei batim that were turned off by the bochurim’s behavior. Imagine if they used the place all year round?! As for me, no yeshiva is welcome to my chabad house, even for a shabbaton.
the REAL problem is the permissiveness that is pervasive in our yeshivos. If we would only seriously enforce the rebbes takanos about underage drinking and excessive drinking. We should really imitate the non Chabad yeshivos as far as these policies and allow no drinking under Any circumstances. Drinking is the gateway to so much more. Truth be told these טייערע בחורים act like vilde chayos.
Of Chayus and life to a chabad house
This is an issue with zal and shlichus afterwards as well. Those with the right names and family connections have no issues – it doesn’t matter what the bochur is up to. He gets in. He gets shlichus. It’s all about have the right connections. Period. And no one frankly gives two pennies about your kid. They just want money and power.
I am from a no name BT family. My son worked hard, was enthusisastic, studied, kept seder and had no problem getting into yeshiva and a very desireable shlichus. We are not rich or well known
“My son worked hard, was enthusisastic, studied, kept seder”
Thats why he had no problem.
The yechidim who ignore the trend and work hard shine through.
אשריך
It is so important that parents choose the right school for each child. Yes, it may be easier or more comfortable for parents to place them in the mainstream schools but that is not necessarily what is right for the child. It also needs to be recognized that the classroom setting and ratio of 25 kids to one teacher that worked for yesterday’s children and chinuch is not necessarily right for today’s children. Definitely most kids MANAGE in that setting however that doesn’t mean that they are truly succeeding and thriving as much as they can. If a child is… Read more »
It would be nice if there were different options for our children so that we can actually have a choice to make. There needs to be some open-mindedness into the type of curriculum and expectations we put on our children. Not just taking this same curriculum and trimming it down, or giving kids more free i.e. wasting time, to ease up the school day. Sometimes there need to be other options in the curriculum. Not just “dumbing down” the same curriculum. Kids shine in different areas of learning. We need schools that provide various areas of relevant learning that will… Read more »
this is the best comment. i would upvote 100 times if i could
Mesivta is $18,000 USD per year. Can someone explain to me why it cost $18,000 USD? What in the world cost that much? There is an out of town Mesivta/Zal on the east coast that boasts 250 Talmidim Bli Ayin Hora, and they charge $18,000 per student! 20 years ago, that same Yeshiva was taking Bochurim without charging a nickel for tuition. In came a new administration and made it into a business…. How is this acceptable??? These same “volunteer” administrators come to the Kinus Hashluchim as if they are contributing to the Rebbe’s vision! What has happened to the… Read more »
Do you know the tuition costs of private goyish high schools or universities? Now add dorm and food charges in goyish schools! It’s closer to $50,000 per year!! So $18,000 including dorm and high priced kosher food is a bargain. – A menahel of East coast mesifta
most families sending their children to non jewish schools dont have ten – twelve children. in most cases the parents have well paying jobs and are not working in koidesh. unlike a typical chabad family. parents working in koidesh, you have several sons in yeshiva at the same time. eighteen thousand times three or four for just for four out of your ten children (who are going to school as well and tuition needs to be paid there as well) and there is no money left for anything else. there has to be another solution,. comparing ourselves to the goyim… Read more »
Do you know that the people sending their kids to those private high schools and universities don’t have the same set of circumstances as most Lubavitch parents? A) they don’t have the amount of children we have B) they may have been able to save for many years toward high school or college while their children were in public school, getting a free education, while we have been paying for it all through the years C) Many people sending their kids to those private high schools and colleges have much higher earning power than the typical Lubavitch parent. Yes, some… Read more »
It should be noted, that the reason why we have large family’s, choose to live in this expensive neighborhood and send our children to yeshivahs is a direct result of what these vary same yeshivahs have brought us up to believe is correct.
If you are going to preach this stuff it is your responsibility to support it.
To do otherwise would be hypocrisy!
You can’t compare a tuition cost for a university to our Yeshiva’s. If you want to say it cost that then fine, but we all know with that amount of kids it doesn’t cost 18k. it’s more like 12-14k max!
Complete Nonsense. Universities have thousands of staff and a huge campus and billions in investments. We are not talking about University, we are talking about Yeshiva, which every Jewish child is entitled to it. Its a birthright. The school i am referring to has a total of 9 teachers, that includes Chasidus and Nigleh. The staff are getting paid low salaries, (the administration says that its Shlichis and the teachers need to “sacrifice”) yet when it comes to the “needs” of the administrators and their family, no expense is skipped. Sadly the institutions are no longer non profit, they have… Read more »
Oh sure, talk about institutions like you know all their figures and expenses.
Also, care to name said mesivta?
I’m not aware of any east coast mesivta with more than 140 students.
Yes, despite learning in OT I do know a little math. 9 staff members and 250 X 18,000 = $4,500,000! You tell me where the money is going. There is no discount for large families, Shluchim or Melamdim. This institution started as a Mesivta and now boasts a zal as well. I am specifically not naming the institution but CHANGE MUST HAPPEN. Rabbi Shmuli is correct, our responsibility is not only to Yidden in far flung corners of the earth, our collective responsibility is to give each Jewish child a proper Chinuch Al Taharas Hakodesh. Enough with school administrators who… Read more »
Yep, despite learning in OT you have discovered that yeshiva business is a Fortune 500 company. Would you invest in the shares/stocks of a publicly or private-traded yeshiva? Because I can suggest a few yeshivos that could use your investment!
One of the greatest hatzlachos of Lubavitch we are able to attract gray learners from other yeshivos not Lubavitch etc like brisk mir the kollel in Denver etc. unfortunately with that they brought into Lubavitch the concept of boutique yeshivos And that’s where the trouble started As one Rosh Yeshiva called a friend of mine and said please send your bochur to us tuition will be close to free The father asked wow what’s this all about The Rosh Yeshiva said we are opening a Yeshiva for metzuyanim The father gave him a 3 word chasidishe blessing and said I’m… Read more »
Alte Rebbe only accepted super superior students! Don’t tell me thus idea was imported to Lubavitch from outside yeshivis like Mir or Brisk. Fake facts!
Different times, different generation. The attitude of kaltkeit that exists in our moisdos today is unacceptable.
“Different times, different generation” – do you get to pick and choose what applies today and what applied only to that different generation?
Do you think Tanya is also from a “different times, different generation”?
Some use that dangerous one-liner to justify not keeping kosher or turning on lights on shabbos.
Intellect (as in Chabad chassidus) is definitely more on the side of katlkeit when compared to Chagas Chassidim (Polish) who thrive in emotional varmkeit and loud excited davening…maybe you should visit Breslov, Bobov or the hundreds of other chassidic courts.
Huh? You might be unaware that the Rebbe would bless young bichurom to become a Chosid, Yirei Shomayim, and…(don’t faint, you ready for the shocker?)…LAMDON. The Rebbe wanted LAMDONIM, aka “metzuyanim”…that is being “chaassidish”…literally as the mishneh says: lo am Haaretz chosid! You can’t be a chassidishe am Haaretz! (Just as one cannot be a frumeh shaygetz).
I’m pretty sure lamdan is diligence not brilliance
One who is dilligent and spends 18 hours a day trying to master the alef bais is not a lamdon by any definition. Yes, he is extremely diligent, exceptionally determined and praiseworthy, but not a lamdon.
Look how tzivos Hashem and chidon changed the schools. We will need that same kind of thinking to change the mesivtas and yeshivas
I’m not chabad but I feel the pain many parents have in today’s generation. In Brooklyn yeshivas like Mir,Chaim Berlin,Chasam Sofer and others are losing students because so many families are moving to Lakewood or Monsey areas. Maybe they can take in chabad boys as some have a twenty percent empty space.
Also you need mentors in crown heights as so many youngsters are falling between the cracks. Today with Internet many kids are being influenced by the secular world.
I taught in a mesivta for a few years. One of the big issues was, how to teach a bochur who has no interest in being in yeshiva or no interest in learning Torah?
The yeshivas can’t be dragged down to their level (besides for the ones that are specifically catering to such bochurim)
It’s a very complicated issue that I don’t know the answer to. But it’s ridiculous to vilify the hanhalas
One of my sons had trouble starting in cheder. He was not a behavioral problem. He had add. The inexperienced young teacher and menahel did not know how to handle this. We did what we could at home. Saw doctors, therapists etc…We made the painful decision to put him in a non Lubavitch day school. He thrived. When it came time for mesivta, the local Chabad Mesivta would not consider him because he did not have a strong background in gemmora. So, he went to a more modern mesivta. He thrived, was put in honors and AP classes and graduated… Read more »
All I can say is thankfully you are his parent. You obviously did the right thing. If there is ever a blessing in disguise, it is that he was not accepted into Mesivta. Good for you that you put your child first and I hope you don’t look at it as an unfortunate circumstance. You should really pat yourself on the back for the hard choice you made. It is unfair that you had to make it, but the unfortunate reality is that most parents don’t make the hard choice and that is unfair for the child. Good for you,… Read more »
I loved your latest article on COL! We were having the same conversation this Shabbos in Shul, especially in light of this week’s Living Torah, were Shloime Cunin recounts that when one of the heads of CGI came in to Yechidus prior to camp and told the Rebbe BH camp is full and we have a waiting list. The Rebbe responded a waiting list! How much time is there to camp and they said a week, the Rebbe said thats enough time to build new bunkhouses and so they did. Any Yeshiva with a waiting list is questionable if it… Read more »
I congratulate the author for bringing this up as it is touches on the most significant topic facing our community today. It is unfortunate that the same schools that proclaim to be the Rebbes Mossid which claim to educate our children in line with the Rebbes teachings don’t support the very ideals they espouse. The large family’s we were brought up to work towards cannot afford to pay tuition. The child that falls a little out of line is rejected from the system etc… and the list can go on and on. At the end of the day the solution… Read more »
A commentator “Shaliach” asked above:
“despite learning in OT I do know a little math. 9 staff members and 250 X 18,000 = $4,500,000! You tell me where the money is going?”
Let me answer with a question:
If running a yeshiva is SO profitable, it is such a lucrative business, potentially earning over $1 million annually in profits, why don’t YOU do it????
Answer: Because you would be bankrupt before the year ends.
Enough said!!
Cost more than 9 salaries of staff. The buildings (learning and dorms), insurance sky high, maintenance, food and more food and unlimited food bills, kitchen cook and staff, janitorial services, repairs, free bochurim shluchim, broken chairs and tables, seforim and replacing torn seforim, extracurricular activities, dorm counsellirs, bookcases, beds, furniture, programs and prizes, chayanu, l’chaims, the ones who we accept at steep discounts or free, the endless mortgage, rent, bank loans, secretaries, bookkeepers, accountants….the list goes on forever.
“He’s a good boy – just he can’t learn all day.” Then he will pull down the boys that do learn all day! In Kuntrez HaChinuch the Freirdikeh Rebbe writes that a student that is a bad influence MUST be removed from the Yeshiva. A bad influence does not require drug use. Enough if he isn’t into learning all day. A smart yeshiva won’t accept him.
This may sound a drop intense but it is not directed at any person or organization in specific but the amount of money wasted on absolutely ridiculous things such as weddings that we know the rebbes shita on we can take so much money from the community in order to fund the opening of new schools camps seminaries and Yeshiva‘s and to maybe pay teachers A respectable some so young couples don’t dread the idea of working in a yeshiva And this will encourage the expansion of existing most doses operations so like this although it is a great merit… Read more »
Yep, blame spending on “ridiculous things such as weddings”, not the fancy cars, luxury bungalows, or the sushi platters!
The amount of sushi (at $2 a piece for a spoonful of rice with slivers of vegetable or fish), the money spent on it in our community, can support fully more than one yeshiva.
Sushi is the new kreplech, varniskes and holpchas.
To paraphrase the saying: Those who ate the sushi of Tomchei Tmimim will do not die without teshuva.
Sometimes, our kids are rejected for vindictive and nasty reasons that have nothing to do with last names. We withdrew our sons from a Yeshiva due to physical abuse from staff and tried – yes, TRIED- to get one into a local Yeshiva. We were turned away constantly, and eventually sent him to the Cheder at the Ohel as a last resort (Best.. Decision. Ever!!) FF to his chassaneh and the first principal confessed he dafka sabotaged our attempts to get him into the Yeshiva we first wanted. He had told the principal not to accept him because he wanted… Read more »
PS: no doubt there are readers who will say, See? It all worked out, gam zu l’tova,it was meant to be, etc. No, it wasn’t meant to be… not the heartache, the crying, the physical illness that it all caused… Obviously, he went to a school that was great for him, but the cost to our neshamas was huge. And why should we forgive without any acknowledgement & accountability to us? My son forgave them, that was his choice. We were never given that option. “Educators” need to be open and honest, not deceitful. If the first principal would have… Read more »
“Karen” entitlement. As if the yeshivos owe you something. They made a mistake by accepting your son, Now you point fingers at them. It’s a good thing that the first yeshiva tipped off the second about you. Typical Karen, thinking everyone owes her everything.
Do you know that admission to Disney Land for a 5-day pass is $72/day?
https://disneyland.disney.go.com/en-ca/admission/tickets/
$18,000 divided by 250 days of yeshiva is …$72 day.
Yeshiva tuition is like going to Disney Land.
Choose where your son fits better and send him there.
reb shmully:
wow ! u can write! may u continue…
this is so sad and unfortunately its not exclusive to Lubavitch or crown heights.
although im an outsider [….but old enuf to have received a dollar from the rebbe.]
but as i understand
the rebbe said ” tut altz” and thats what your doing ….
but perhaps your next step is to take things into your own hands
and YOU open moisdes for the kids you write about!
bimakom she’ein ish ….
Lots of talk. No action.
While life goes on. Unchanged.
THAT, my friend, is reason to cry.